Religions - Essay for May

Thảo luận trong 'EC-CLB Tiếng anh' bắt đầu bởi English Club_BA, 7/7/11.

  1. English Club_BA New Member

    For May, we've had a challenging yet interesting topic about religions. Here we would like to present to you two essays from Nguyen Le Trang and Bui Huong Ly discussing this topic. Let's give them a big hand for their good work!


    001Nguyễn Lê Trang

    Religion has existed in our life for a long time. However, in this modern world people are wondering whether they should have their own religions or not. In my opinion, each person should have his own religion because religion can connect people, it shows us the meaning of life and makes us believe in life as well as (saves)1 man's soul.

    Firstly, religion helps burn (bridges)2 between people all over the world. Then people have the same religion, they have a lot of things in common such as: purpose, behavior or belief in life. They can come from every walk of life but it is easy for them to understand each other. They are all taught to do right things or repent whenever they do something wrong and live in a better way. For example, Buddhists are taught to love everyone in their family, their teachers, their friends and love many other people. That is one of positive effects of religion to our society, it really helps people (to)3 come closer.

    All religions such as Buddhism, Christianity or Islamism show us the meaning of life, the purpose that we have to live for. In this modern life, people sometimes live without knowing what the meaningful life is and what they are living for. They just go to work, then eat, then keep working and finally go home to relax. They seem to forget and don't care about people or anything around them. Religion helps them (to)4 realize that they should not only live their own life but also care about others. The warmth of human life always brings people happiness. If they make someone feel happier, it will be one of the happiest moments in their life. If they are cared by other people, they will feel stronger than ever.

    Finally, giving people belief in life and saving man's soul are related (with)5 each other. By making people believe in life, religion can save man's soul. People in the word can't avoid (the)6 death, diseases, disasters or seeing their beloveds die. All of these things make them hurt, (feel)7 scared or lose their belief. Religions makes them believe that these things are some challenges and there will be the next life so that they can meet their beloveds again or live a new life. Thinking about it makes them feel stronger, believe that if they do right things, they will be requited. So they keep living a good life with a peaceful soul.

    Besides the modern world with science and new technologies, religion has its own reason to keep existing. Some people are non-religious because they don't want to have any string or they can live well without religion. Having religion or not is not as important as that we can love each other and have a good life.

    1 I believe it should be "saving"

    2 Bridge? I think "Gap" is the better word.

    3 Help bring people closer

    4 X

    5 To

    6 X

    7 X

    Some comments on your essay:

    Good structure of essay.
    Good vocabulary.

    Some mistakes.
    You repeated some words so many times.
    The idea is not clear in the third paragraph.
    Lack of supporting examples for each ideas. Just word and people may not believe you.
    Some improvements you can make:

    Learn how to use words to connect sentences.
    Bring in more supporting ideas.
    002Bùi Hương Lý

    (The issue of freedom of religion has remained controversial for several years. Some people think that becoming a religious man brings many good points, while others claim that it is better for people to be non-religious. In this essay, I will provide the argument both for and against the subject matter.)1

    It is undeniable that people (get some positive effects if they have their own religion.)2 First of all, religion gives strengths (for)3 people. It seem to be clear that the (religions)4 totally (believe in gods, goddesses or deities)5, so they become stronger to make their essential decisions. (As a result, if people have been leading their life without orientation, religion can help them change for the better)6. In addition, having religion within society enhances culture, in (that the)7 common people have shared (practices)8. Obviously, religion brings people together even they come from different countries. Thus, religious men have chances to show their own traditional values and customs as well as understand about other identities.

    On the other hand, the effect has not been all positive as religion also brings some certain drawbacks. To begin with, it makes the (separation)9 between different religions. In fact, each country has (variety of)10 religions, and sometimes they have opposite point of view with others. Consequently, they are in contradiction with each other, and lose the unity of the public. Furthermore, beliefs do not match reality to some certain extent. Today, human beings are living in international village, and they often face with many troubles that they cannot improve these situations with the help of gods. They, therefore, lack practical thoughts.

    On balance, I personally tend to agree with people who follow no religion at all. Although faith makes people have stronger minds, and having religion promotes cultural exchanges, in general, it separates the relationship within society and does not match reality. Therefore, people should consider carefully whether they believe in religion or not to have balanced life.

    1 Good opening part but why you can add more "rhyme" to make it even better.

    2 I agree. I suggest some other way: It is undeniable that people obtain positive thoughts and way of life throughout religion study.


    4 You mean "Religioners"?

    5 Not all people believe in God, only catholicism. We're talking about Religion in general, so don't mention God.

    6 You do not know it for sure. Not all religion provides people with good orientation and it doesn't have any relation with the previous sentence.

    7 which

    8 I don't understand. Maybe you want to mention "common thoughts"?

    9 You mean "Gap"?

    10 Using variety is good but making it simple is better "Various religions".

    Some comments on your essay:

    Good structure
    Wide range of vocabulary

    Not too clear ideas
    Religion misunderstanding? I think. There are many religions in this world and not all have God. God is only for Catholicism.
    Some mistakes in using words for special occasion
    My own ideas: I admitted you had done a very good job, but writing an essay on a particular topic means you have to learn about it a little bit. Maybe you should read some book on religions to see it from a better perspective. Anyway, congratulations!
    003Model essay

    In our today's world, we can easily notice groups of people with distinguished characteristics such as wearing same plain clothes with bald heads or holding bible near their hearts. We call them religioners who are following different religions. Our human beings have had a long history of peace and love together with wars and conflicts with the appearance of religions. Religion is considered a very effective method for education and a tool of great destruction. To some people who don't understand, they can easily come to a conclusion that religion is either unnecessary or dangerous but is it always true under any circumstances?

    As time goes by with a modern world filled with uncertainty, people are growing to be lost in a labyrinth of choices and don't know what to do or why they should devote themselves to a greater cause. The seem to be in such a hurry that they have less time to care about others around them. Have you ever asked yourself about how well your good old friends are doing or wondered how your parents feel about you? Find it familiar? It's easy to understand when you have so many important matters to take care of, that sometimes you leave all your precious possession behind til the moment when you stand and say the last words to your beloved ones. Religions such as Buddhism or Catholicism help us realize what is the most important to our life and teach us how to preserve it by spreading love all around. Therefore, that's why people who follow Buddhism or Catholicism often show their friendliness and love to their family and friends which in turn prevent them from feeling regret.

    Another positive side of having a religion is that you obtain a particular view on the world and thus helping you overcome your problems in no time. Will you feel depressed after your broken relationship or because one of your beloveds just passes away? Well, Buddhists won't since they know it's the rule of life and they will move forward instead of whinning or crying all day. Thus, religions have proven to be the great mental support to human beings in time of difficulty and no one can deny this fact. Moreover, since you have had your own explanation of the world thanks to your own religion, you can always find a way to make your decision precisely which will benefit people all around you and create a better community.

    Last but not least, religions are necessary to create better individual. People who are religious are often educated to behave in an appropriate way that benefits people around them. Thus, they try to contribute to the development of the common goal, not just themselves. They make our world less of selfishness and spread the true meaning of love to others. There is news of different Buddhist organizations helping rebuild Japan after tsunami and earthquakes or Catholic people contributing to the construction of new school for people with disabilities. They're making our world better and better every passing day and thus we should thank them for that.

    But along with religions which guide people towards the well being, there are other religions which plant the seed of destruction, hatred into people's soul and creating chaos and wars all over the world. But it is not for those that we abandon religions or destroy them since they're also part of our tradition and culture.

    All in all, though there are still so controversial matters around religions, it can't be denied that religions are bringing people together to contribute to the development for our common world. Let us walk on the bright path and head into a new future where people live in harmony and love.
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